The Pressing Darkness

I am sure there is someone or some few out there who understand the need for melodrama such as this title. This pressing feeling of loneliness and hopelessness returns time and again. I used to push against my dependency on others so much that I think I drove people away. Now that I've realized that I need people and I want them, I sometimes feel like there is no one there to depend on at all. Oh, I'm not saying that no one in the wide world would listen to me if I needed to unload a bit, just that it seems that there is no one I can confide in without just burdening them with my "drama" as my sister calls it, taking up their time, tiring them with my useless problems and petty misfortunes.

I am so upset that my sister doesn't care to listen to me anymore. Now I wonder if she ever did. Who do I turn to now? I am a weak, weak person and crave caring and affirmation so much.

I never ended up connecting with anyone off that bondage.com site. I emailed some people back, but mostly just to politely tell them to keep looking. I've become a bit wiser about people and about how connecting over the internet works. It has to be a dedicated, dual effort or it will never flourish. It would help a lot if decent people would contact me. I don't understand people who want to plunge into the sexual without attempting to reach towards the personal first. I've tried a couple of other sites. Little luck around here.

It's been a long, hard year. I am ready for it to be over.