I am having a major crush on someone I know at work. Bad, bad Pearlesque! I am being very good about it and not letting on at all, but the fantasies still won't stop.

I am reminding myself that I should be realistic about whether he even finds me attractive (I think it's possible that he does because he complements what I wear). I am reminding myself that dating coworkers is generally a bad idea and that the gossip mills revolves on a raging torrent at my particular workplace. I am also reminding myself that I want to settle down and I should be on the lookout for someone steady and committed.

He's one of the "cool" people at work. He DJs, smokes pot (urgh, not a fan of that), drinks and goes out a fair bit, and seems much younger than his 30-something odd years. Everyone at work knows him or has heard of him. And then there's me, the plain, quiet, soft-spoken, hardworking girl that a few people in my immediate circle know.

Fortunately, as aforementioned, I don't think he realizes what goes through my mind when I see him. It might have been worse if I'd allowed myself to eat lunch with his group before. I first saw him the day I interviewed (a year and a half ago!) and knew immediately that he'd be trouble. I used to be unable to articulate coherent sentences in his presence. He made it worse for a while when he teased me a few times. I'm a bit sensitive about teasing. But oddly enough, that helped me get over the crush for a little while because I figured he was a bit of an asshole. Then...I started lunching with an immediate coworker and her circle, which included him. Downhill from there. I started to realize that he's actually a super nice guy and seems to have more depth and maturity than I gave him credit for. Now I like him. And that initial attraction never went away either.

I am sarely tempted to invite him to my upcoming birthday party. I'm also afraid that he won't come, or that not many of my friends will show up or that it will be strange and awkward. ::sigh::